THE PERFECT PARTNER

THE PERFECT MATE

One must know one self in order to better understand others. Once this is accomplished, then one can use the knowledge of self to seek out powerful relationships that compliment the individual. Unfortunately, many people in today’s world jump into deep relationships without really understanding themselves or the mate that they choose and as a result account for the extremely high divorce rate. Caprio's teaches a format to help discover a compatible life mate. The first step in this process of understanding oneself is to outline and put down on paper (or the computer screen) what one expects from the perfect mate. This information should not be shared with anyone.

The following is just an excerpt from one of the letters the asked one of his students to write. For privacy, the name of the author of this letter has been changed to "The Seeker".

Excerpts from an Essay Written by The Seeker of “The Perfect Mate”

Initially, I like to point a finger and say, "There, that’s her, that’s my next date or even girlfriend". I get this urge because to me physical attributes must be met first. All others follow. They are as follows (In definite order of importance):

1. Physical attributes - Eyes, hair, skin, smile, muscle tone, diverse classy dresser, nice figure.

2. Attractiveness - I like my girlfriends to have a sexually alluring flash about them!

3. Personality - After all of this is accepted, then the personality is evaluated.

4. Openness - She should be fun, easy going, intelligent, able to carry on a heart to heart conversation, and to be willing to talk about anything, any time, which would be important to the survival and growth of our relationship.

5. Generosity - Of course, she must contribute to the relationship (50\50 is nice to consider even though it is impossible).

6. Honesty - There must be honesty.

7. Compatibility - A compatible educational background should exist.

8. Diversity in Activity - Entertainment, opera’s, concerts, social parties, family functions, camping, travel, sports).

9. Cuisine - Agreement on foods would help plan smoother dates.

10. Ambitions - Passing the evaluation Common Goals and Directions in the life to come will be grounds for an engagement.

I figured out a lot from dating the same girl for a long period. Initially, I was against the idea of a girlfriend but as we got about 20% into the relationship, I began enjoying "Our Time" together. At 35% of "Our Time", she decided to go away to school, which devastated me! At this point I had not given up on the relationship and still wanted it to grow. I then realized that at 50% of "Our Time", I had to get out of the relationship and grow on my own. At 65% of "Our Time", she decided to come home and now wanted to be with me! I thought, "I’m too interested in finding out what my capabilities and potentials are and to GO BACK and be tied down again was not what I wanted". This was the one that backed up from the any idea of marriage but now wants to reconsider.

Since then, I've been doing what I have to do, with her in the background. At times, we would get back together for brief periods, then break up, never getting beyond the same circles, both of us seeming to shy away from marriage and growth. So, One must move on!

I almost started to believe that I would never meet the "Perfect Mate". That is, until I finally met someone special. Everything was there. It all happened the way I wanted it to. But after 5 or 6 months, she realized that she was rebounding after a 5-year relationship. With her thinking of him, we were over!

Then, another new one came along. She was very quiet, probably due to living a sheltered life. That is no travel, no experience in living criteria, etc. Nevertheless, our relationship was developing. After three months of dating, I became frantic over Christmas shopping for her. I didn’t know what to get her or how serious the gift should be. Then seeing old acquaintances really put a monkey wrench in our relationship. Hence, our relationship simply faded out. I see now that it was foolish for me to allow this to happen but it was the coarse that the relationship took and because of this reason, I haven't attempted to call her up these days.

The most shocking experience of all was brought my way in the month of March. You see I met this girl four years ago. The day I saw her, I knew that I had to ask her out. She was so pretty!!! I let two years slide away, before I started talking to her (mainly because I didn’t want. to appear like any other jerk that hit on her each week). During this period, though, I was able to evaluate her character to a tee, and YES, she really was a special type of girl! ! ! Finally, I started to talk to her, and after almost a year, I asked her out. Only to find that she already had a boyfriend, which was absolutely expected, and OK. Well, by this time we had become more friendly. So much so that she would be nice enough to extend invitations to me to visit her at her summer house for social activities. Due to workloads at school, I dropped out of the picture. But on a break I stopped by the bar to say “Hi” to the gang. I found out that she had broken off the engagement with her boyfriend and was single. This split was almost expected because she kept complaining that she never really got a chance to do anything on her own. I saw this to be a big problem with her relationship. Well, time went on, but when the chance came, I wasted NO TIME tracking her down to ask her out. I was too late to ask her out because she had already found another boyfriend. Then, they too were on the rocks for many, many, reasons (to my deduction of rumors) so I pursued her again. By this time, I found out that I was initially attracted to her for her looks, but became attached with the type of person she was and actually enjoyed her crowd. And hence continued to build our friendship.

Fourteen years later, I am still "Seeking" the "Perfect Mate". I have reached the conclusion that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT MATE. But, what will make a relationship last depends on how much you compromise and what you are willing to accept, or deal with!